When a hobby suddenly becomes an Addiction

[Laura _*_ xO]

Hey Bruce,

I'm sure as from the posts you can see there are many people who have been addicted to this hobby and each have their own solutions. What's going to work for you is tough to say as each person is different.

I think you have to figure out why you go, what it is that you enjoy about going, and are there other ways to achieve the same goals.

As to what constitutes an addiction as posed by another poster.... I believe it's when the hobby starts to consume most of your "spendable" cash.

As for your past attempts being in vain..... I wouldn't look at it that way. Who quits an addiction on the first shot? Most people don't. If you are willing to try and quit again and possibly have to try a few more times so be it.

In my own case it took a few attempts but I'll tell ya while on vacation I found myself passing by old haunts and places where I knew I could hobby and I was brought to the point of shaking (part of me wanted to go so badly)..... I'm happy to say that I didn't give into the tempation.

One more thing I think moderation could be a better first step.

 

[vigilius]

Hey Bruce,
If you are for real then the 1st thing is this. If you are taking cash advances on your credit cards every month to pay for things including hobbying then stop immediately. Stop cold turkey, don't surf the net for info on the hobby, don't call places for the schedules of your fav MPA's. If you must take care of business use porn. The urge will be there but it will slowly go away.

If you can afford your hobbying and want to continue but get it under control, then change your habbits. If you regularly see the same girl, start seeing other girls and don't see your fav MPA 'till next year. If you regularly see different MPAs then get a regular girl and see her once every month or two whatever you feel is acceptable.

I personally have been in a bad situation, I nearly went bankrupt in part to my hobbying. I was seeing one girl 1 or 2 times a week, plus others. I had to stop so I did. I got my finances back in order, got a better job and am back to hobbying at a more controlled pace.

Hope some part of this helps.

 

[rachel(:]

Mao, first of all, "civilian" is hardly a term I invented. It's commonly used on this board to describe real life relationships and is a concise term with an appropriate bit of added "colour".

Other people on this board have plenty of life experience, including myself. Reasonable people can disagree on just how, and how much, real life relationships and hobbying differ.

Of course there is such a thing as "a woman who is really into you" and that certainly is a different relationship from seeing an SP. However, it appears that you lack the ability to see relationships from a variety of perspectives if you cannot begin to see some commonalities between the two or the drawbacks of "real" relationships compared to commercial ones. It just isn't as simple as real=good and hobby=delusional.

I used to think as you appear to, until I'd been married long enough, had enough love affairs (including the marriage) to see how these things pan out in the long run (not to mention observing the life experiences of friends and acquaintances along the way). Accordingly, opinions which differ from your own are not born of a lack of experience with either "real" relationships or hobbying.

As I said in my previous post, there is certainly room for reasonable perspectives which differ on this topic. Not everyone who disagrees with you is confused. You might even change your own opinion on this as life rolls along!

 

[S M]

It has been 3 years since I first responded to this thread ...

Back then, I was in the midst of a divorce, my sons age was no longer being counted in months but in years and a few other problems were coming at me in all directions.

To say that hobbying was one of my problem would be a given, but I seriously dropped my visit frequency and took care of things in my own personal life that made things better than normal. It wasn't until after this that I was willing to go back and reflect.

My observation then is much different than my observation now.

I consider hobbying as more of a recreation and not as a crux and my urges as I get older diminish somewhat but the thrill is always enjoyable. I think of it more as going to see a game, concert or a movie ... it is entertainment.

Now if I go and see a movie every week does that make it an addiction ... I like movies and sometimes watch more than one per week. Am I watching too much TV maybe that is an addiction.

That would depend on how your mind works ...

If your mind is filled with thoughts about MP/SP then you obviously have a sexual addiction but if it also includes massageplanet.net and staying online for hours then you have an internet addiction.

... and how much time you spend allocated to certain activities.

I live a pretty balanced life now after all that turmoil ... I am back with my wife, my son is older and I seriously enjoy spending time with him during the summer, I have a great base of family and friends who keep me occupied more than usual ... and I have my secret outlets of MPA/SPs and massageplanet.net.

I read my response back then and think to myself was I really addicted or was it a simple matter of many different forces in my life coming at me and I was using my visits to MPs as a reasoning behind this or was the hobby having an effect on the other facets of my life that they are now affected in a negative manner.

Think about it !!!

VBB

 

[- lola is lovestoned x3]

This is an excellent thread and I'm glad to see that it is still going.

I just want to briefly offer some of my own experience. I see MP's and SP's very rarely (less than once a month) because I'm still a student and simply cannot afford to go more often. However, I feel the urge much more frequently than that. Often, I'll call a friend and see about going out for a beer. But, usually I end up masturbating. Sometimes I download a porn video to satisfy the desire for something new. (And it's cheap compared to an MP)

For me, masturbation works quite well. It is simply not worth $150 to spend 30 minutes with anyone and end up releasing only a few drops. That kills the urge until at least the next day, and I can do it as often as necessary.

OffTheWall

 

[Pompal 09.]

Pay a few visits to Blue Pearl. It'll leave a bad taste for the hobby in you forever.

 

[themann_ca]

The memory of awful sessions gone past are indeed required to replace the imagination of "things to come"...pun intended.

 

[working girl]

I see it this way - how much would you be spending on a wife, girlfriend, or even mistress on a weekly basis? If you can afford one of those you can use that money for this hobby. Figure a normal guy spends maybe $150-200 per week on a girlfriend - well there is 2 MP visits.

 

[arnie]

Now someone has started a support group:

http://toronto.craigslist.org/ers/411902099.html

It would be funny--and typical--if it was just porn spammers looking to harvest emails of true addicts.

 

[Yakuza]

If you spend $150-$200 on a GF, you've hopefully been out having fun somewhere together in addition to the sex benefits.