MT Family life

[Raga]

there should be a MT partner forum site for this topic - or a separate section for all the non-MT other-halves to get together.

 

[Sutaato]

there should be a MT partner forum site for this topic - or a separate section for all the non-MT other-halves to get together.

Not a bad idea.

You don't seem like a raving lunatic. Especially if you have had only one Kahuna massage. My understanding is that Temple-Style LomiLomi is a pretty mind-altering experience, and if anything will make a non-massage therapist partner concerned, that would be the one.

The problem is you desk job guys just don't get enough massage! : (Ask my husband about that, he has to make an appointment. )

I don't think it's realistic to just decide to stop having insecurities. If you're getting no bodywork done, you probably should start with that. Honest communication that you need to schedule some of her professional time- maybe once every six weeks or so, could alleviate some of your anxieties.

Really, I see two problems here:

Having her room at home definitely does not help at times even though I was the bright spark who came up with the idea in the first place.

You mentioned this really-quick-in-passing. I think it's crucial to the anxiety you're having right now. Having a home office is a difficult trick for a therapist to pull off, especially if she has family. After all, she's right there, but "unavailable" for the needs of her family during "working hours." Working hours can become poorly defined, the family can develop a perception that they are being neglected or work is more important. I'm not saying that's what IS happening, just that it is what it can feel like.

I assume she is working out of a spare bedroom in your home? And that clients come into your home, walk through it to the treatment room, use YOUR bathroom, pat YOUR dog, then receive a very loving treatment from YOUR wife? All the while you and your children are hiding out like criminals in the sunporch, trying not to make a peep so you don't disturb their "special" time?


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Topic review - MT Family life






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Breathe






 
Post subject: 

 















seriously, glad I could help. I suppose I'm NOT glad that it took going through something similar to be able to spot the catalyst issue, but still... glad it helped.

:oops:

:lol: seriously, glad I could help. I suppose I'm NOT glad that it took going through something similar to be able to spot the catalyst issue, but still... glad it helped.











Posted: Tue Feb 13, 2007 10:47 am














otherhalf






 
Post subject: 

 













You guys are ALL great - especially breathe

You've all helped me tremendously (you probably won't ever know how much) and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

The advice and general feedback has been absolutley welcome.

Keep the hands in motion and thank you for a really professional forum which from browsing around, is kept clean and free from all those nasty web sicko's.

Otherhalf....

You guys are [i][b]ALL[/b][/i] great - especially [u][b]breathe[/b][/u] :D

You've all helped me tremendously (you probably won't ever know how much) and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

The advice and general feedback has been absolutley welcome.

Keep the hands in motion and thank you for a really professional forum which from browsing around, is kept clean and free from all those nasty web sicko's.

Otherhalf....











Posted: Tue Feb 13, 2007 1:38 am














BackrubMonster






 
Post subject: 

 













palpable wrote:Could I offer the idea (I say this not as an MT, but a general statement) that a relationship such as marriage does not need to be one in which "giving in" is used in place of "giving of".

Spot on!

[quote="palpable"]Could I offer the idea (I say this not as an MT, but a general statement) that a relationship such as marriage does not need to be one in which "giving in" is used in place of "giving of".[/quote]

Spot on! :smt035











Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 8:45 pm














otherhalf






 
Post subject: 

 













Oh dear, I'll have to change my identity and move now

Oh dear, I'll have to change my identity and move now ;)











Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 8:19 pm














fudja / aka Greatlakes






 
Post subject: 

 













Cats out of the bag.

Cats out of the bag.











Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 7:47 pm














otherhalf






 
Post subject: 

 













Oops - sorry, that was me. Rita was logged in.

Thinking about it on the way in to work - in a way, yes I am giving in, however there has to be some give and take.

Oops - sorry, that was me. Rita was logged in.

Thinking about it on the way in to work - in a way, yes I am giving in, however there has to be some give and take.











Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 3:23 pm














fudja / aka Greatlakes






 
Post subject: 

 













Rita wrote:That's exactly what we're doing now. There are some aspects of the job which still make myself and the kids uneasy, i'm not giving in but being more understanding to the practice and working from there.

Huh?? Is this otherhalf with a second id? Or is this otherhalf's wife?

[quote="Rita"]That's exactly what we're doing now. There are some aspects of the job which still make myself and the kids uneasy, i'm not giving in but being more understanding to the practice and working from there.[/quote]

Huh?? Is this otherhalf with a second id? Or is this otherhalf's wife?











Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:31 pm














Swallow






 
Post subject: 

 













That's exactly what we're doing now. There are some aspects of the job which still make myself and the kids uneasy, i'm not giving in but being more understanding to the practice and working from there.

That's exactly what we're doing now. There are some aspects of the job which still make myself and the kids uneasy, i'm not giving in but being more understanding to the practice and working from there.











Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:24 pm














palpable






 
Post subject: 

 













otherhalf wrote:May sound like i'm giving in - no, the kids and I are going to evaluate the change and take it from there.

Could I offer the idea (I say this not as an MT, but a general statement) that a relationship such as marriage does not need to be one in which "giving in" is used in place of "giving of".

In other words, try not to think of this as a giving up, or a "who has the upper hand" situation, but one in which you two are trying to make things work for you as a family.

[quote="otherhalf"]May sound like i'm giving in - no, the kids and I are going to evaluate the change and take it from there.[/quote]

Could I offer the idea (I say this not as an MT, but a general statement) that a relationship such as marriage does not need to be one in which "giving in" is used in place of "giving of".

In other words, try not to think of this as a giving up, or a "who has the upper hand" situation, but one in which you two are trying to make things work for you as a family.











Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 5:41 am














otherhalf






 
Post subject: 

 













House layout isn't going to be changed - basically because it'll involve a heck of a lot of work, disruption and $$$'s to do. Typical Aussie house layout - very open-plan.

We're on a new level of understanding within our marriage and MT relationship, so I'm willing to give the door and loss of personal privacy a go. I can't say i'll be happy with this indefinately - there may come a day when I throw my toys out the cot again, but I'm now happy with the progress we're making even though I know there's still a personal price to pay.

May sound like i'm giving in - no, the kids and I are going to evaluate the change and take it from there. Worst case scenario - we get an additional door in the house and we find external therapy space.

With regards to me going on the heartworks etc course, because this is something which I've over the past week come to terms with, don't necessarily think it would be worthwhile or beneficial for our relationship at this time, don't get me wrong, i'd enjoy it but i'm on my own mission to self progress with what I want out of life now as well (guy stuff)

Never thought married to a MT could be sooooo hard and demanding on one's personal life. Strange though, everyone always thinks being married to a MT must be the best thing since sliced bread.

House layout isn't going to be changed - basically because it'll involve a heck of a lot of work, disruption and $$$'s to do. Typical Aussie house layout - very open-plan.

We're on a new level of understanding within our marriage and MT relationship, so I'm willing to give the door and loss of personal privacy a go. I can't say i'll be happy with this indefinately - there may come a day when I throw my toys out the cot again, but I'm now happy with the progress we're making even though I know there's still a personal price to pay.

May sound like i'm giving in - no, the kids and I are going to evaluate the change and take it from there. Worst case scenario - we get an additional door in the house and we find external therapy space.

With regards to me going on the heartworks etc course, because this is something which I've over the past week come to terms with, don't necessarily think it would be worthwhile or beneficial for our relationship at this time, don't get me wrong, i'd enjoy it but i'm on my own mission to self progress with what I want out of life now as well (guy stuff)

Never thought married to a MT could be sooooo hard and demanding on one's personal life. Strange though, everyone always thinks being married to a MT must be the best thing since sliced bread.











Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 4:47 am














melb






 
Post subject: 

 













otherhalf wrote:In Australia, there are relaxed requirements for home massage. it depends on where you are located, relaxed requirements are not Australia-wide. Many councils still put home based massage in with massage palours which means following skin penetration guidelines (home based beauty therapists are also meant to follow these guide lines - even more important for them because there is actual breaking of the skin and for beauty therapy that's not just council driven, that a national standard). Skin penetration guidelines are far from relaxed requirements, sealed floors, running water, sharps containers, gloves, etc.

Is there anyway you could swap the treatment room and your bedroom? You'd have to walk through the treatment room to get to your bathroom, but if the room is being used you can still use the other bathroom and you will always have access to your bedroom, no-one walking through it. There is no way I would allow complete strangers to walk through my bedroom on a regular basis. Even if your bedroom is a lovely large room, it doesn't sound like you are able to enjoy as much as you should because of the through traffic.


Since you have finally admitted you are in Australia, I will again suggest go do either the Heartworks lomi lomi course, or Ka Huna I&II, it's not going to turn you into a professional massage therapist, but it is likely to help with your process.

[quote="otherhalf"]In Australia, there are relaxed requirements for home massage. [/quote]it depends on where you are located, relaxed requirements are not Australia-wide. Many councils still put home based massage in with massage palours which means following skin penetration guidelines (home based beauty therapists are also meant to follow these guide lines - even more important for them because there is actual breaking of the skin and for beauty therapy that's not just council driven, that a national standard). Skin penetration guidelines are far from relaxed requirements, sealed floors, running water, sharps containers, gloves, etc.

Is there anyway you could swap the treatment room and your bedroom? You'd have to walk through the treatment room to get to your bathroom, but if the room is being used you can still use the other bathroom and you will always have access to your bedroom, no-one walking through it. There is no way I would allow complete strangers to walk through my bedroom on a regular basis. Even if your bedroom is a lovely large room, it doesn't sound like you are able to enjoy as much as you should because of the through traffic.


Since you have finally admitted you are in Australia, I will again suggest go do either the Heartworks lomi lomi course, or Ka Huna I&II, it's not going to turn you into a professional massage therapist, but it is likely to help with your process.











Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 11:26 pm














otherhalf






 
Post subject: 

 













GrateLakes wrote:Clients must walk through your bedroom to use a bathroom??? Too strange for my taste! I dont even think that would be allowed in a lot of different jurisdictions in the states! Maybe I am just too straight laced, but I wouldnt want clients in my bedroom, even if it was just to use the bathroom!

Some clients even ask if they can shower afterwards. Fortunately, the answer is no (so I've been told). If I was a MT, it would be a lot easier for me to understand more and not have my moments of frustrations. As for me coming home to toilet seats in the upright position, well - I now just accept that. It still makes me feel uneasy as men who are strangers to me have been through my bedroom to get to my bathroom.

In Australia, there are relaxed requirements for home massage. The alternative is to use the spare bathroom which is pretty much on the other side of the house. Don't want clients walking through your entire house all the time though. It's hard - always got to have a spotless bedroom/bathroom just in case. Harder for me as I can't leave any of my personal belongings lying around my bedroom and the bathroom's always got to look pretty.

The garage has crossed my mind, but not quite the place.....

I tolerate more than anything else and suppose I'm special in a way that I understand the requirements more now than before.
A friend of my wife is a beautician and her husband does not want her waxing mens backs etc.... Strangely enough, he comes to our house, and lets my wife massage him? I'd love to have a chat with him about his insecurities - geesh

Men are all open to the insecurities of our wives being exposed to other men with little to no clothes on all the time I suppose. The physical touch part doesn't help either, but it's a professional therapy you're giving and we've (all the otherhalves) have to and need to understand this.

[quote="GrateLakes"]Clients must walk through your bedroom to use a bathroom??? Too strange for my taste! I dont even think that would be allowed in a lot of different jurisdictions in the states! Maybe I am just too straight laced, but I wouldnt want clients in my bedroom, even if it was just to use the bathroom![/quote]

Some clients even ask if they can shower afterwards. Fortunately, the answer is no (so I've been told). If I was a MT, it would be a lot easier for me to understand more and not have my moments of frustrations. As for me coming home to toilet seats in the upright position, well - I now just accept that. It still makes me feel uneasy as men who are strangers to me have been through my bedroom to get to my bathroom.

In Australia, there are relaxed requirements for home massage. The alternative is to use the spare bathroom which is pretty much on the other side of the house. Don't want clients walking through your entire house all the time though. It's hard - always got to have a spotless bedroom/bathroom just in case. Harder for me as I can't leave any of my personal belongings lying around my bedroom and the bathroom's always got to look pretty.

The garage :lol: has crossed my mind, but not quite the place.....

I tolerate more than anything else and suppose I'm special in a way that I understand the requirements more now than before.
A friend of my wife is a beautician and her husband does not want her waxing mens backs etc.... Strangely enough, he comes to our house, and lets my wife massage him? I'd love to have a chat with him about his insecurities - geesh

Men are all open to the insecurities of our wives being exposed to other men with little to no clothes on all the time I suppose. The physical touch part doesn't help either, but it's a professional therapy you're giving and we've (all the otherhalves) have to and need to understand this.











Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 10:40 pm














Blisss






 
Post subject: 

 













I've just got to say: Kudos to Breathe, who pinpointed the home office being central to the problem. Way to read between the lines!

Otherhalf, I'm glad you & your wife are taking steps together to improve the situation for your whole family.

I've just got to say: Kudos to Breathe, who pinpointed the home office being central to the problem. Way to read between the lines!

Otherhalf, I'm glad you & your wife are taking steps together to improve the situation for your whole family.











Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 8:47 pm














fudja / aka Greatlakes






 
Post subject: 

 













Clients must walk through your bedroom to use a bathroom???

Too strange for my taste! I dont even think that would be allowed in a lot of different jurisdictions in the states!

Maybe I am just too straight laced, but I wouldnt want clients in my bedroom, even if it was just to use the bathroom!

Clients must walk through your bedroom to use a bathroom???

Too strange for my taste! I dont even think that would be allowed in a lot of different jurisdictions in the states!

Maybe I am just too straight laced, but I wouldnt want clients in my bedroom, even if it was just to use the bathroom!











Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 8:02 pm














otherhalf






 
Post subject: 

 













Thanks tropicmom,

For the first time in her profession, she's taken a step back and realized there is a family life which is bound to the home-office and career as well - so we're working on that. Starting with a solid, sturdy door to cut out as much noise as possible. This is going to be the first big step as when she massages clients at night, the kids and I have to hide-out like convicts on the run - however if she had her own office, would be a stranger for even longer as she'd need to be away for even longer.

My original insecurities were male clients and yes, it feels invasive when I have men coming into my house, disrobing and being alone with my wife in my spare room, walking through my bedroom to get to my toilet (and leaving the lid up!!!!)

Last week, I had a severe migraine and I couldn't go and lie on my bed in my bedroom. Irritated the heck out of me at first, but lying on a sun bed by the pool proved more relaxing than lying in bed (would still have preferred to be in my bed though as I could've easily fallen asleep after feeling better). A bit of give and take at the end of the day.

From this thread, I've come a long way and Mrs Massage Therapist has come to the understanding that for 2 married people, one of whom is not involved in bodyworks on a daily basis, more family/work balance and understanding needs to come with the situation. She still really needs to work on spending more physical time with me as I was promised a massage on Saturday, that became Sunday and it's now Monday. Oh well, can't ask for everything all at once.

Time will tell, the kids are happy that they "may" be able to go on as usual (to a degree!!!) with a door in place (I have insisted it can be locked in case some sicko pushes his luck when I'm not there - don't need kids exposed to that sort of stuff). If it doesn't work out with the door, at least we've tried it and can move on from there.

Thanks all once again

Thanks tropicmom,

For the first time in her profession, she's taken a step back and realized there is a family life which is bound to the home-office and career as well - so we're working on that. Starting with a solid, sturdy door to cut out as much noise as possible. This is going to be the first big step as when she massages clients at night, the kids and I have to hide-out like convicts on the run - however if she had her own office, would be a stranger for even longer as she'd need to be away for even longer.

My original insecurities [u]were[/u] male clients and yes, it feels invasive when I have men coming into my house, disrobing and being alone with my wife in my spare room, walking through my bedroom to get to my toilet (and leaving the lid up!!!!)

Last week, I had a severe migraine and I couldn't go and lie on my bed in my bedroom. Irritated the heck out of me at first, but lying on a sun bed by the pool proved more relaxing than lying in bed (would still have preferred to be in my bed though as I could've easily fallen asleep after feeling better). A bit of give and take at the end of the day.

From this thread, I've come a long way and Mrs Massage Therapist has come to the understanding that for 2 married people, one of whom is not involved in bodyworks on a daily basis, more family/work balance and understanding needs to come with the situation. She still really needs to work on spending more physical time with me as I was promised a massage on Saturday, that became Sunday and it's now Monday. Oh well, can't ask for everything all at once.

Time will tell, the kids are happy that they "may" be able to go on as usual (to a degree!!!) with a door in place (I have insisted it can be locked in case some sicko pushes his luck when I'm not there - don't need kids exposed to that sort of stuff). If it doesn't work out with the door, at least we've tried it and can move on from there.

Thanks all once again











Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 7:51 pm














Seebs






 
Post subject: 

 













tropicmom wrote:I can't believe it's just me, but as a MT, I often find that it relaxes ME and I feel like I've had a good endorphin "rush" after GIVING a good relaxing massage and I'm just talking plain old swedish. Don't get me wrong, it's physical work, but mentally I'm feeling pretty darn good.
It's not just you

[quote="tropicmom"]I can't believe it's just me, but as a MT, I often find that it relaxes ME and I feel like I've had a good endorphin "rush" after GIVING a good relaxing massage and I'm just talking plain old swedish. Don't get me wrong, it's physical work, but mentally I'm feeling pretty darn good.[/quote]
It's not just you :)











Posted: Sat Feb 10, 2007 6:30 pm














tropicmom






 
Post subject: 

 













I know this topic is a few days old but I wanted to comment.

I agree that the home office scenario probably isn't the best for your situation. If she worked elsewhere you would simply notice that she'd "had a good day at work" in general when she got home. End of story.

One other thing: I can't believe it's just me, but as a MT, I often find that it relaxes ME and I feel like I've had a good endorphin "rush" after GIVING a good relaxing massage and I'm just talking plain old swedish. Don't get me wrong, it's physical work, but mentally I'm feeling pretty darn good. Maybe your wife is much the same and this is what you're noticing. In fact, maybe it happens when she works on females too, but you are more attuned to noticing her reaction when it's a male.

HTH

I know this topic is a few days old but I wanted to comment.

I agree that the home office scenario probably isn't the best for your situation. If she worked elsewhere you would simply notice that she'd "had a good day at work" in general when she got home. End of story.

One other thing: I can't believe it's just me, but as a MT, I often find that it relaxes ME and I feel like I've had a good endorphin "rush" after GIVING a good relaxing massage and I'm just talking plain old swedish. Don't get me wrong, it's physical work, but mentally I'm feeling pretty darn good. Maybe your wife is much the same and this is what you're noticing. In fact, maybe it happens when she works on females too, but you are more attuned to noticing her reaction when it's a male.

HTH











Posted: Sat Feb 10, 2007 4:18 pm














otherhalf






 
Post subject: 

 













WOW!!!!

You hit it all in one go. Thank you

WOW!!!!

You hit it all in one go. Thank you











Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 3:29 pm














Breathe






 
Post subject: 

 













otherhalf wrote:there should be a MT partner forum site for this topic - or a separate section for all the non-MT other-halves to get together.Not a bad idea.You don't seem like a raving lunatic. Especially if you have had only one Kahuna massage. My understanding is that Temple-Style LomiLomi is a pretty mind-altering experience, and if anything will make a non-massage therapist partner concerned, that would be the one. The problem is you desk job guys just don't get enough massage! (Ask my husband about that, he has to make an appointment. ) I don't think it's realistic to just decide to stop having insecurities. If you're getting no bodywork done, you probably should start with that. Honest communication that you need to schedule some of her professional time- maybe once every six weeks or so, could alleviate some of your anxieties.Really, I see two problems here: Quote:Having her room at home definitely does not help at times even though I was the bright spark who came up with the idea in the first place.

You mentioned this really-quick-in-passing. I think it's crucial to the anxiety you're having right now. Having a home office is a difficult trick for a therapist to pull off, especially if she has family. After all, she's right there, but "unavailable" for the needs of her family during "working hours." Working hours can become poorly defined, the family can develop a perception that they are being neglected or work is more important. I'm not saying that's what IS happening, just that it is what it can feel like.

I assume she is working out of a spare bedroom in your home? And that clients come into your home, walk through it to the treatment room, use YOUR bathroom, pat YOUR dog, then receive a very loving treatment from YOUR wife? All the while you and your children are hiding out like criminals in the sunporch, trying not to make a peep so you don't disturb their "special" time?
Some people can easily handle the "home office" scenario. Some can't. You may be one of those.

When I went into this field, I had a spare bedroom set up as my practice room. It was really tough on my husband. I'm one of those women who has always been more comfortable in the presence of men than of other women. I have a few good girlfriends, but mostly, I tend to be a little too much of a straight-talker to be "one of the girls." I fit in with "the guys" just fine. Consequently, about 1/2 of my practice clientele, and classroom buddies tended to be the limited male population in school. These guys sometimes had difficulty doing their trades or practices, due to nervousness, but knew they could always work with me -- no weirdness necessary. When I got to clinic, out of about 55 required massages given to the public, I had male clients at least 50% of the time.

At the outset, my husband knew that it was likely that my practice would end up being male-dominated. (This is unusual in this profession, the vast majority of massage-receivers are women, and most practices are reflective of that. My clientele is nearly 1/2 male on a week-to-week basis.) We talked very briefly about installing an exterior door in the spare bedroom, and making a home office. Then he said, "I don't want a bunch of guys in my house." That was the end of that venture.

It wasn't that he mistrusted my intentions, he just didn't want to have to accomodate another man in any way, shape or form in his private and personal space.

I have an office in a professional building, I go to work, do my job, then I come home to him. No blurry lines, no hiding out, no confusion.

Blurry boundaries are the stuff insecurities are made of -no hanky-panky needed to make that little tickling doubt blossom into a full-fledged "issue."

My advice? (cause I'm bossy like that... ) step back and re-evaluate this home-office scenario. Yes, it's more expensive to rent an office- but it may be worth it for your marriage and your family.

Don't beat yourself up too much about being insecure, just look for what you both need to do to change things. It's not all about you just "getting over it." It sounds like there are some framework problems that might be feeding your insecurity.

[quote="otherhalf"]there should be a MT partner forum site for this topic - or a separate section for all the non-MT other-halves to get together.[/quote]Not a bad idea.You don't seem like a raving lunatic. Especially if you have had only one Kahuna massage. My understanding is that Temple-Style LomiLomi is a pretty mind-altering experience, and if anything will make a non-massage therapist partner concerned, that would be the one. The problem is you desk job guys just don't get enough massage! :lol: (Ask my husband about that, he has to make an appointment. :oops: ) I don't think it's realistic to just decide to stop having insecurities. If you're getting no bodywork done, you probably should start with that. Honest communication that you need to schedule some of her professional time- maybe once every six weeks or so, could alleviate some of your anxieties.Really, I see two problems here: [quote]Having her room at home definitely does not help at times even though I was the bright spark who came up with the idea in the first place. [/quote]

You mentioned this really-quick-in-passing. I think it's crucial to the anxiety you're having right now. Having a home office is a difficult trick for a therapist to pull off, especially if she has family. After all, she's right there, but "unavailable" for the needs of her family during "working hours." Working hours can become poorly defined, the family can develop a perception that they are being neglected or work is more important. I'm not saying that's what IS happening, just that it is what it can feel like.

I assume she is working out of a spare bedroom in your home? And that clients come into your home, walk through it to the treatment room, use YOUR bathroom, pat YOUR dog, then receive a very loving treatment from YOUR wife? All the while you and your children are hiding out like criminals in the sunporch, trying not to make a peep so you don't disturb their "special" time?
Some people can easily handle the "home office" scenario. Some can't. You may be one of those.

When I went into this field, I had a spare bedroom set up as my practice room. It was really tough on my husband. I'm one of those women who has always been more comfortable in the presence of men than of other women. I have a few good girlfriends, but mostly, I tend to be a little too much of a straight-talker to be "one of the girls." I fit in with "the guys" just fine. Consequently, about 1/2 of my practice clientele, and classroom buddies tended to be the limited male population in school. These guys sometimes had difficulty doing their trades or practices, due to nervousness, but knew they could always work with me -- no weirdness necessary. When I got to clinic, out of about 55 required massages given to the public, I had male clients at least 50% of the time.

At the outset, my husband knew that it was likely that my practice would end up being male-dominated. (This is unusual in this profession, the vast majority of massage-receivers are women, and most practices are reflective of that. My clientele is nearly 1/2 male on a week-to-week basis.) We talked very briefly about installing an exterior door in the spare bedroom, and making a home office. Then he said, "I don't want a bunch of guys in [i]my[/i] house." That was the end of that venture.

It wasn't that he mistrusted my intentions, he just didn't want to have to accomodate another man in any way, shape or form [i]in his private and personal space.[/i]

I have an office in a professional building, I go to work, do my [i]job[/i], then I come home to him. No blurry lines, no hiding out, no confusion.

Blurry boundaries are the stuff insecurities are made of -no hanky-panky needed to make that little tickling doubt blossom into a full-fledged "issue."

My advice? (cause I'm bossy like that... :lol: ) step back and re-evaluate this home-office scenario. Yes, it's more expensive to rent an office- but it may be worth it for your marriage and your family.

Don't beat yourself up too much about being insecure, just look for what you both need to do to change things. It's not [i]all [/i]about you just "getting over it." It sounds like there are some framework problems that might be feeding your insecurity.











Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 10:14 am














otherhalf






 
Post subject: 

 













there should be a MT partner forum site for this topic - or a separate section for all the non-MT other-halves to get together.

there should be a MT partner forum site for this topic - or a separate section for all the non-MT other-halves to get together.











Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 4:00 am














otherhalf






 
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I have received one Kahuna massage over a year after she started offering the therapy to her clients.

I think it's best I don't continue with my insecurities (which after listening to equal professionals - all of you guys) has made me realize I am most definitely far too insecure and need to re-asses my emotions.

From all you professionals who work hands on with body's all the time to desk job people like me who get absolutely no hands on body contact on a daily basis, I just hope you understand and don't think I',m a raving lunatic for feeling the way I do.

I have received one Kahuna massage over a year after she started offering the therapy to her clients.

I think it's best I don't continue with my insecurities (which after listening to equal professionals - all of you guys) has made me realize I am most definitely far too insecure and need to re-asses my emotions.

From all you professionals who work hands on with body's all the time to desk job people like me who get absolutely no hands on body contact on a daily basis, I just hope you understand and don't think I',m a raving lunatic for feeling the way I do.











Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 1:27 am














maestra






 
Post subject: 

 













Otherhalf,
I am not sure if you have already tried this, but is it possible that your wife could refer you to another MT she knows who practices this kind of massage?
Perhaps experiencing it for yourself would prove enlightening and add a new depth of understanding for you to your wife's work. Perhaps one of her mentor's or teachers? And it would give you two something to talk about...

Otherhalf,
I am not sure if you have already tried this, but is it possible that your wife could refer you to another MT she knows who practices this kind of massage?
Perhaps experiencing it for yourself would prove enlightening and add a new depth of understanding for you to your wife's work. Perhaps one of her mentor's or teachers? And it would give you two something to talk about...











Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 8:59 pm














otherhalf






 
Post subject: 

 













Wow - I didn't want to get everyone worked up on this - sorry

I do not see sensual as sexual.

as melb pointed out - "not the minimal draping so you're exposed to a lot of naked flesh"

This is where the majority of it all falls into place, and yes, I am very aware of what's going on and what's not going on.

In every profession is an element which a parter does or may not feel comfortable with - this just happens to be mine.

FYI - I am not a MT and do my utmost best to understand and learn what is involved. To date I think I've done a really good job at this.
I'm human and when for whatever reason I do feel insecure, certain things do hurt more.

From what has been said already, I know I have to deal my problem and thank you all for your responses.

Wow - I didn't want to get everyone worked up on this - sorry

I do not see sensual as sexual.

as melb pointed out - "not the minimal draping so you're exposed to a lot of naked flesh"

This is where the majority of it all falls into place, and yes, I am very aware of what's going on and what's not going on.

In every profession is an element which a parter does or may not feel comfortable with - this just happens to be mine.

FYI - I am not a MT and do my utmost best to understand and learn what is involved. To date I think I've done a really good job at this.
I'm human and when for whatever reason I do feel insecure, certain things do hurt more.

From what has been said already, I know I have to deal my problem and thank you all for your responses.











Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 8:34 pm














melb






 
Post subject: 

 













Gee, everyone could've searched for kahuna (or correctly it is ka huna, though no-one seems to worry about that these days) on here - there are a few of us that practise it.

otherhalf, I'm going to assume you are in Australia, since that is where temple style lomi lomi is most commonly called ka huna massage, elsewhere it is called temple style lomi lomi.

From what I can gather, more marriages break up with this style of massage than most if only one of the people involved has done the training - the courses are a lot of personal development type work, from Level III up, and it's the personal development work, not the minimal draping so you're exposed to a lot of naked flesh causing the marriage issues. There is usually at least one spouse doing the course after their other half has done lots of the courses.

There are no prerequisites for Ka Huna courses, or the other style of lomi lomi, Heartworks Lomi Lomi, taught by the main school that does ka huna training in Australia.

I recommend you either go do ka huna Level I&II (7.5 days), or the Heartworks training (2.5 days), and preferably do Heartworks as a couple (there is a couples course running April '07) Heartworks is a very effective and easy to learn technique, and it's just one weekend away.

Gee, everyone could've searched for kahuna (or correctly it is ka huna, though no-one seems to worry about that these days) on here - there are a few of us that practise it.

otherhalf, I'm going to assume you are in Australia, since that is where temple style lomi lomi is most commonly called ka huna massage, elsewhere it is called temple style lomi lomi.

From what I can gather, more marriages break up with this style of massage than most if only one of the people involved has done the training - the courses are a lot of personal development type work, from Level III up, and it's the personal development work, not the minimal draping so you're exposed to a lot of naked flesh causing the marriage issues. There is usually at least one spouse doing the course after their other half has done lots of the courses.

There are no prerequisites for Ka Huna courses, or the other style of lomi lomi, Heartworks Lomi Lomi, taught by the main school that does ka huna training in Australia.

I recommend you either go do ka huna Level I&II (7.5 days), or the Heartworks training (2.5 days), and preferably do Heartworks as a couple (there is a couples course running April '07) Heartworks is a very effective and easy to learn technique, and it's just one weekend away.











Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 7:46 pm














Seebs






 
Post subject: 

 













otherhalf wrote:My insecurity definitely stems from only one kind of massage - the Kahuna (loving, sensual massage).Like Greatlakes, I had to look up Kahuna on google. (It sounds like Akuna Matata from Lion King to me) What I found said that Kahuna is basically Lomi-lomi Hawaiin massage. Why does that make you insecure? "Loving, sensual massage" you called it. Well, as caring people, I like to think massage therapists imbue their work with love: the pure, healing kind of love. And "sensual?" Massage certainly involves the senses, but I don't think that's what you mean by sensual. Are you referring to the long smooth strokes? Then Swedish massage is sensual, too. But you seem to mean sensual as in sexual. Perhaps you know something about Kahuna that I don't, and couldn't find on google.Breathe wrote:It bothers me when therapist claim that they see all bodies as exactly the same, in the same clinical light. After all, we are humans, and as a whole, we are more tactile (and emotional) than the general population.

True! Tactile... sensitive... sensual... It's inseperable in many ways from the nature of what massage therapists do. However, despite seeing and appreciating, that does NOT translate to sexuality! (Nor being judgemental toward a non-perfect body!)

[quote="otherhalf"]My insecurity definitely stems from only one kind of massage - the Kahuna (loving, sensual massage).[/quote]Like Greatlakes, I had to look up Kahuna on google. (It sounds like Akuna Matata from Lion King to me) What I found said that Kahuna is basically Lomi-lomi Hawaiin massage. Why does that make you insecure? "Loving, sensual massage" you called it. Well, as caring people, I like to think massage therapists imbue their work with love: the pure, healing kind of love. And "sensual?" Massage certainly involves the senses, but I don't think that's what you mean by sensual. Are you referring to the long smooth strokes? Then Swedish massage is sensual, too. But you seem to mean sensual as in sexual. Perhaps you know something about Kahuna that I don't, and couldn't find on google.[quote="Breathe"]It bothers me when therapist claim that they see all bodies as exactly the same, in the same clinical light. After all, we are humans, and as a whole, we are more tactile (and emotional) than the general population.
:smt023
True! Tactile... sensitive... sensual... It's inseperable in many ways from the nature of what massage therapists do. However, despite seeing and appreciating, that does NOT translate to sexuality! (Nor being judgemental toward a non-perfect body!)











Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 4:20 pm


















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[wendy c]

WOW!!!!

You hit it all in one go. Thank you

 

[john henric]

I know this topic is a few days old but I wanted to comment.

I agree that the home office scenario probably isn't the best for your situation. If she worked elsewhere you would simply notice that she'd "had a good day at work" in general when she got home. End of story.

One other thing: I can't believe it's just me, but as a MT, I often find that it relaxes ME and I feel like I've had a good endorphin "rush" after GIVING a good relaxing massage and I'm just talking plain old swedish. Don't get me wrong, it's physical work, but mentally I'm feeling pretty darn good. Maybe your wife is much the same and this is what you're noticing. In fact, maybe it happens when she works on females too, but you are more attuned to noticing her reaction when it's a male.

HTH

 

[Mercy]

I can't believe it's just me, but as a MT, I often find that it relaxes ME and I feel like I've had a good endorphin "rush" after GIVING a good relaxing massage and I'm just talking plain old swedish. Don't get me wrong, it's physical work, but mentally I'm feeling pretty darn good.

It's not just you