Client/therapist relationship???

[Hands]

Hi,I have a lot of questions.  First off, do you consider yourself a massage therapist who eases tensions, massages muscles, a counselor?  Do you offer advice to clinets, ask personal questions, really gte to know the client?I am a female client of a male massage therapist.  I have become very attached to him in a friend way.  He knows a great deal about me and offers me advice and guidance.  He refers to himself as a therapist.  I wonder if you are trained to counsel?  Should I jst accept the fact that I do value his opinion?  I do look up to him and respect him.  Have I done something wrong by being his friend?  I am human and I do become attached.  I've read on other boards that I need to end the massage therapy with him because I value him and care about what he says to me.  I have become his friend as well as his client.  Am I allowed to feel like this?  Please know that there is nothing rematically involved here just pure friendship.Any feedback?Debi

 

[teresathegreat]

As your massage therapist, he shouldn't be giving you any kind of advice unless he is trained to be a counselor and then, he shouldn't be doing it during sessions.I never ask personal questions of my clients, unless health related.  I also never offer advice, only an ear if they want to talk.  I am not a friend to my clients, I am their massage therapist and that's a completely different kind of relationship.  It sounds like your massage therapist is unaware of the need to set boundaries.You may only value his opinion because recieving massage therapy puts one in a suggestive state of mind.  There is nothing wrong on your part in feeling attached to him but realize it is only because of the state of mind the massage places you.The dynamics of the client/therapist relationship is quite interesting.  Although you aren't a massage therapist, you may do well to read 'The Educated Heart' by Nina MacIntosh.  I think your questions will be better answered by reading this book.

 

[drdjjt]

Client/therapist relationship???

I'm an ear-lender, not advice-giver.

 

[frend]

This is a tough one sometimes.  Many of my clients have seen me regularly for a year or more, and I love each and every one of them and their families.  Just because the massage is over, it doesn't mean I stop thinking about them.  I have only developed friendships with two or three outside of the massage room though, and those are very special relationships to me.When you become friends with a client, it can become difficult to collect regular fees or enforce no-show and cancellation policies.  The familiarity can influence how you feel as a client about your therapist:  Instead of feeling safe and nurtured, you are worrying about his carpal tunnel or that he's had four no-shows this week and he's having trouble making rent.  A massage therapist should never burden a client with their personal baggage.  Massage time is for the client.  I believe that a person's body stores their experiences and traumas, and that manipulating the areas where those stresses are stored can bring emotional response and old memories to the surface.  It's perfectly ok to talk about those things with your therapist.  Even though most massage therapists are not trained in counselling, many of us are nurturing by nature and have been taught to ask open ended questions so that the client can come to their own conclusions about their own issues.  We really aren't supposed to give personal advice.  If a client asks me a personal question I always answer it honestly.  If a client asks me a "What would you do if..." question I usually try and turn it around on them.  It's important that people make their own decisions - especially when they're in as vulnerable place as on a massage table.The connection you feel with your therapist is great.  Lots of healing can take place with a connection like that.  I'm sure he's honored that you value his skills and that you help him make a living doing what he loves.You are allowed any feelings you feel.  There is never a wrong way to feel, but the action you take on your feelings can have big effects on you and others around you.  It's possible that defining your personal boundries could help keep your therapy healing to your body and your soul.Katykangaroo

 

[Kai]

Client/therapist relationship???

i agree with Katykangaroo8. My massage environment is very nurturing, relaxed and family oriented. If i ask my client a question its always health related, but if they want to talk about anything its ok with me- its their time and money. i dont give personal advice, but id give health advice. sometimes the conversation can get a bit personal- are those your kids (i have pictures in my room of my family) how old are they- and so on. i mostly try to keep all talk about them. I think it that it is ok to become friends with some of your clients. some people just connect. and if you do become friends with a client outside of your bussiness and then continue to work on them how would that be different from working on any of your other friends and family. its not like when your massaging a friend that all of a sudden you dont drape and all of your ethics are gone. when i massage the people i know outside my business we might talk more but it is still a good session. i guess it really depends on the person. What if you became friends with a co-worker, or your Dr. - some peoples personalities just connect.

 

[Rachael a]

ok, you guys have made me feel a lot better.  He is an extremely nurtering person.  Our personalities have definately clicked.  I'm sure he has other patients who have shared their life stories with him but the things I've shared is very deep.  I understand there are bounderies and I guess I don't know where to draw the line.  I've had friends ask me why I tell this person all that I do.  Why I feel attached to this person.  I guess I look at a massage therapist as someone who massages the body.  Someone who cares about their clients whole body including emotions, including their past and where they hold pain etc.  I think what my therapist does is above this.  ok, obviously I am thinking too much about this.  I just worry that I have overstepped my limits by thinking and referring to him as a friend.Thanks again.Debi

 

[LindZ]

Some good advice here already I think.  As a therapist, I'm not trained in counselling (like most MTs I think) and so will listen with an accepting ear to anything my client brings with them, but wouldn't want to advise, or try to draw them out into discussing things.    I know that I have feelings about my own therapist, and I know this is natural, we are all human beings, and bring out feelings in each other, based on other people we have met in the past, and on how we feel in the moment, but I don't think a therapist and a friend can really be one and the same, even though both care about each other, it is just a sdifferent relationship for me.

 

[mistify]

Client/therapist relationship???

when he described himself as a therapist, he probably assumed you knew he was referring to massage. i say this as well, but i'm speaking directly to massage related stuff.

 

[nike loverr]

I understand there are bounderies and I guess I don't know where to draw the line.

It sounds like you have a very good relationship with your massage therapist.  However, though many of us are trained well in not over-stepping boundaries and knowing how to deal with a client who may, many of us are not.As a thought:  If you think you may be overstepping your boundaries, you probably are.  If you think you are, then you have probably honed in on some non-verbal and possibly even verbal clues regarding this.  If so, you may want to re-think how things are progressing. If you don't think you have, then hopefully you haven't (hope that makes sense).Just be prepared that if in the future, your therapist for some strange reason starts to be unable to take you for appointments, it may be a warning sign that you have over-stepped and he does not know a better way to handle it.  This is one of the many ways massage therapists try to deal with clients they feel uncomfortable working with.I am not saying it is the right way to deal with it, just that it is something else to watch for.  Of course there can be other signs.  Keep vigilant in watching for them, and go from there.Thank you for adding to our forum!  

 

[Martika39]

Client/therapist relationship???

Hi,

I have a lot of questions.  First off, do you consider yourself a massage therapist who eases tensions, massages muscles, a counselor?  Do you offer advice to clinets, ask personal questions, really gte to know the client?

Hi Debi, Glad you found us here.  I consider myself a massage practitioner who helps people feel better.  Yes, I ask personal questions about lifestyle, job and general well-being, I offer information that I think will be helpful for them and suggest they do further research regarding the info that I share with them.  Yes, I really get to know my clients.

I am a female client of a male massage therapist.  I have become very attached to him in a friend way.  He knows a great deal about me and offers me advice and guidance.  He refers to himself as a therapist.  I wonder if you are trained to counsel?

Some people have training in counseling and some do not, it largely depends on the life experience they have before they enter the massage profession.  I have training in working with abuse victims.  I am not certain where the term therapist first originated pertaining to massage, however, it usually refers to the soft tissue "therapy" the client receives during the session.  I personally do not like the term massage therapist and have been searching for an alternative -- which at the moment is massage practitioner.

Should I jst accept the fact that I do value his opinion?  I do look up to him and respect him.  Have I done something wrong by being his friend?  I am human and I do become attached.  I've read on other boards that I need to end the massage therapy with him because I value him and care about what he says to me.  I have become his friend as well as his client.  Am I allowed to feel like this?

It is not uncommon for clients to share very personal information when receiving bodywork and to feel quite close to the practitioner after doing so.  With that said, it is also not uncommon for clients to experience "transferrence" and begin to have a more personal attachment to the practitioner.  When this happens, it is important for the practitioner to be able to recognize what is happening and take steps to restate their boundaries.  This provides both the client and the practitioner an opportunity to review the professional relationship and determine what is best for the client.  Sometimes that means the client does need to find a new practitioner and sometimes it does not.  It really depends on each situation.  

I don't see anything wrong with respecting your practitioner's opinion, the one caution I would offer you would be to take a close look and notice whether you are valuing his opinion over yours every time.  While developing a fondness for your practitioner is not unusual, it is important to understand his role in your life is as a professional.

We as practitioners are generally a very caring group of people.  We truly do care about our clients well being and strive to offer the best of ourselves in our practices.  I would encourage you to talk with your practitioner and establish boundaries that you both find comfortable.  Good luck with your future sessions.

 

[MJ forever <3]

Client/therapist relationship???

I am a medical intuitive and use massage and craniosacral therapy in my work. Because I am able to "read" the emotional challenges that are creating people's health challenges, and because of my basic personality, if people come to see me more than once or twice, we DO become friends. Not friends like hanging out at the movies, but friends like, "how's the family?" the biggest problem I have is remaining professional over fees and my time, sometimes-not always. I have a hard time taking money from people when they become "friends". That's a hard one. I don't know. I think the nature of our work is very intimate, and very loving. It's the way human beings are designed-once we see someone's suffering to have compassion. There IS a way to have compassion AND be professional.

 

[Resaaa]

I agree with Theresa.  I am a trained counselor and massage therapist.  I keep the boundries set in place.  You can be someones friend, while being a massage therapist, but a true professional will be strong enough to maintain that.  I separate formal counseling and the payment for that from  the tidbits of counseling I may provide during massage if asked.  They have my ear and my totally focused true intent for their wellbeing, but it is important to keep a line in the sand.  I have friends but business is business and they get the same discounts that my clients get.  I think once the boundries are in place and everyone understands their purpose they will repsect them or not.  The ones who don't just don't stay in the friendship circle very long when they see that they can't take advaneforum.xxxe of you.  Financially or any other way.Good Luck!

 

[tui]

Thank you for all the wonderful posts.  I think I have evolved since I first made this post.  I have a great relationship with  my MT.  He knows a great deal about me and he is helping me to grow as a person.  I am very thankful to him.  My husband is very supportive of this relationship and trusts both of us.  I look forward to my massage very 2 weeks becasue I know my MT will give me something profound to think about.  On top of giving me the best massage in the whole world!  I have it made.I do appreciate all the above posts and please know I am ignoring the troll who enjoys replying to my post.Thank you again.

 

[Pompal 09.]

Client/therapist relationship???

 On top of giving me the best massage in the whole world!  I have it made.

Thank you again.

So you ARE my client....I thought so the whole time I was reading this topic.  Just Kidding, this is a great thread.

I agree with Katy, I've seen one client well over 100 times...

 

[Raga]

Boundaries

It's always a good time to revisit this subject.
IMHO, there can be NO hint of a friendship inside or outside of the office during the client-practitioner connection. The connection that exists in a therapeutic relationship is based on the care, compassion, empathy, trust and non-judgement that a Massage Therapist invokes each and everytime he/she walks into a treatment room and touches his/her client. All of this is done specifically for the client. Their care is our mission. Should you choose to have a friendship with a client you will be disappointed. Or should I say, they will be disappointed in you. Perhaps, without their knowledge, they will expect the same connection and care they experienced with you during treatment to continue outside of the office. In other words, inside/outside , in a therapeutic relationship or friendship, they are to remain the center of your universe, period. This is an unrealistic expectation and very damaging to any possiblity of a relationship outside of the therapeutic setting. Friendships can be messy and should not be explored until the therapeutic relationship has ended and then, not for several months. Massage Therapy is all about the client. That's not messy. The intention is clear-care for your client. Look for your friendships outside of your office.

 

[Banana Chicken Head]

Hmmmm you know when I read about the giving of advise, I thought of things like:

Where to buy a water heater.
What plumber to hire.
Good carpet cleaner?
Used car...
Dog training
lawn watering and fertilizer
ETC

 

[Cato]

Hmmmm you know when I read about the giving of advise, I thought of things like:

Where to buy a water heater.
What plumber to hire.
Good carpet cleaner?
Used car...
Dog training
lawn watering and fertilizer
ETC

I am not sure what you are trying to say. Is this a response to the topic or a particular post?

 

[Charli]

Hmmmm you know when I read about the giving of advise, I thought of things like:

Where to buy a water heater.
What plumber to hire.
Good carpet cleaner?
Used car...
Dog training
lawn watering and fertilizer
ETC

I am not sure what you are trying to say. Is this a response to the topic or a particular post?

He's making small talk with his client.

 

[darkangel_zheinah]

I have been working on many of my clients for 4+ years. I know about their joys, sorrows, worries, aches & pains. I do not give advice, but many of my clients trust me enough to share personal things with me. On the other hand, they know me well too. My kids, husband, business. Many of my ladies like to talk and their visits feel more like a friend coming over for a visit. I love it. Also, I read all of my clients and follow their lead. They may come in one week and talk through the whole session and on other visits just want to take it all in and not say a word. I can tell right away where my clients are at and I follow it. If they are quiet, I am quiet and so forth. I feel my personabiltiy has made me the therapist I am today and has been a + for me.

 

[Jimmy Jazz]

I agree Sandy, there's a great deal of benefit to that kind of working relationship. I have shared personal aspects of my life with clients who were going through a rough time, and been told "I'm so glad you told me that, I felt like I was the only one!"

I have clients who are students in the alternative healthcare field, and yes, I do give them advice- even when they are on the table. I have young, new mothers, and they all know that they can get an unbiased, non-family opinion from me about their kid's behavior -- because they know I was a nanny, and worked for ESD for many years. And yes, I do give them advice regarding questions to ask potential nannies or preschools, that it is perfectly normal for their 18 month old to screech like a pterodactyl, and that letting a good grandma take the 6 month old for 2 days so she can sleep, isn't going to psychologically scar him.

I have weightlifters who have injured themselves, and I advise them on what motions are likely to aggravate their injuries, and I have people with other conditions who, because they trust me, I can convince to go to a doctor and have it checked out.

My clients know, when it's appropriate, about my background and family, my husband and his resistance to change, my other hobbies and my dogs. And they tell me theirs... which is one of the ways I found out just this week that a client LOVES motorcycles and dislocated his shoulder last summer, or another client fractured one of her metatarsals hiking last year. It's how I know which clients to worry about if I don't hear from them for 3-4 weeks, and which ones will show up again when golf season starts.

I knew when I started this work that I'd never be able to do it in the fashion that advisers like Nina McIntosh recommends... not sharing information about our personal lives. In my case, while I can see the value of playing everything close to the vest, I would never last as one of those "hmmm, mmmhmmm," therapists. We chat. And sometimes we even talk about what matters, from both sides of the table.

I am careful about revealing certain things... there are personal things that are nobody's business except mine. Those stay out of the massage room entirely. I am careful about mentioning anything that happened with any other client. Even without the names or other identifiers, even if it would be helpful, I don't want the client wondering if I am then talking about them to someone else. I am very careful about complaining about a client... though I've never been a subtle person, it could be taken by the client that I am talking about them. (Early on, I made the mistake of mentioning in passing, how tired the last client made me because she was very "needy." It took a great deal of reassurance toward the person that I told, that I did not view her as "needy" also.)

I follow the laws... do not recommend medications, do not make diagnoses, although I will tell the client what they can ask their doctor about, and make sure that they know I am not trained in that field so these should just be inquiries... for instance, asking the doctor to take a look at strange lumps or asking the chiropractor to check out extremities... etc. Sometimes I know EXACTLY what is going on before I send them to the doctor, but I don't say it.

I am not social friends with my clients outside the office, I will never attend their backyard bbqs, or go out to lunch with them after their session. This is my boundary.

I'm an extreme extrovert, a science nerd, and sometimes loud, sometimes fast-talking, sometimes excitable person working in a field that is dominated by nurturing, introverted, (or maybe I should say "less extroverted,) quieter, calmer individuals.

Maybe my clients are forgiving because I do good technical work. Maybe my personality is part of what is therapeutic to them. Maybe what I'm doing is completely right for the situation, or maybe what I'm doing is completely disruptive to the therapeutic relationship.

I suspect the truth falls somewhere in the middle, and that I could be less revealing, but still quite transparent about many things, and still maintain boundaries. Some clients are forgiving, some clients come see ME because my stories make them laugh 'til they cry. Some clients might like to know less about me, and others perhaps need to know more.

Ethics are a real-world form of philosophy, and as such, ethics are choices, opinions and decisions. No two people will ever agree on every point ethically. Ethics are not "truth." They are commonsense. They are not laws, but they are boundaries. Ethics are not morals, though they often encompass them. Morals say "Lying is wrong." Ethics say "except when..."

While I believe framework is vitally important to touch therapists, I believe it is entirely appropriate for individual therapists to come up with a different picture of how to set their framework. The important thing is to make conscious decisions instead of flailing from one ethical conundrum to another and just "winging it."

What is "right" for me, may not be "right" for you.