Sexually attracted to my therapist

[Pringle]

I've been sitting here trying to get up the nerve to call and I'm not sure I can do it. This has got to be one of the most embarrasing things I've ever had to do.

What I mean about referral is that I'm in an HMO. My MT is also a PT. I was prescribed MT by my surgeon but my primary doctor had to write the referral. I think changing therapists now would make my current therapist look bad to both my surgeon and my primary (who both know him).

I know it sounds like I'm giving excuses for not terminating this relationship but it's easier said than done. I wouldn't be asking for advice if this was a cut and dry situation. I'd like to keep my dignity as well as his reputation in tact.

 

[Antonio]

I think changing therapists now would make my current therapist look bad to both my surgeon and my primary (who both know him).

That's you thinking.

I disagree. But, that's me thinking.

I've given as much advice as I possibly can. Maybe someone else has some other opinions. Otherwise, good luck. *warm smile*

 

[Latina Bonita]

Guest, all of your caregivers train for this scenario in school if they've ever taken an ethics course. You may be embarrassed, but you don't need to be. You don't need to say that you are sexually attracted, indicating the emotional attachment, and how distracting it is to therapy should be sufficient. It will not reflect badly on the therapist or to your doctors. They should understand.

I don't know what part of the world you are from, but you may not be required to see a PT/LMT. Even if you are, it should be an easy thing to get things switched over. Insurance companies do it all the time, and unless you have a series of Doctors firing you as their patient, the Insurance company is only going to care about you following procedure and submitting the proper forms.

It should be particularly easy right now, as your prescription is being renewed, since you are not shifting therapists in the middle of a prescription. Is there perhaps someone in the same clinic that can see you? If so, all they have to do is fax the form over and have the doc or nurse practitioner put a different name at the top.

Now, if you cancel at the last minute, or just don't show up, that would be a problem. Not only would you be messing up the schedule and costing them money, but it would be very disrespectful. So call today. Right now.

 

[ko628]

I guess now I don't know what you would like us to tell you. I see that it will not feel easy, but I do think it *is* "cut and dried" - either see him as an MT and put away attraction, or don't see him and put away attraction anyway.

If you're going to terminate the therapeutic relationship, it is good that you're doing it outside of your appointment - insurance will not pay him for not working on you, and I'm sure you'd agree that it's unfair to use appointment time for this. It's also good if you don't think of this as a "heart-to-heart" as you mentioned above - not only is this a business and therapeutic matter now, but since it sounds like he is an ethical practitioner, it is not likely to become an affair of the heart anytime soon, if ever.

If you really do understand that you will not be having a relationship with this man, does that do anything to quell your attraction? It strikes me that it would be a shame to lose the therapy based on a hope that maybe your reward will be a personal relationship, when (again) that's not how it will work.

I also don't think you have to go into great detail about this to other practitioners/doctors - this is a confidential matter between MT & client. Since *he* will be doing the referral, it can be presented as coming from *him* - "Mr. MT thought I would best be served by Mr. Fill-in-the-Blank."

I'll reiterate that the new therapist does not necessarily have to be female, unless *you* prefer that. I don't like the implication that you're automatically going to feel attracted to every male therapist in the book.

In any case, good luck in speaking with him. I hope this discussion has been helpful to you; it's certainly been helpful to me to see how complicated this might look from a client's perspective.

 

[TrishARoo]

Goodness my last post sounded harsh. I really just meant to be clear, since the situation is so confusing and distressing for you; to tell you, as Stacey did above, that you don't have to take this all on your own shoulders, and to commend you for being brave. Your health is so important, and I know we're all glad here that you're doing what you need to to continue getting quality care.

You can do it! Please don't be embarassed. You are honest with yourself and care about your therapist - these things are nothing to feel ashamed of.