Fantasy Matchup ; Jen @ HFH vs DavePhoenix and his esalen technique

[czarina]

( DavePhoneix walks into HFH)

Paul - Can I help you, buddy?

DP - I am here to see Jen and show her the wonders of my esalen technique

Paul - Hehehehe. Buddy, I don't know what the fuck that is, and as long as it's not against the law, be my guest

DP - The esalen technique is far from illegal. It goes back thousands of years and was discovered by a 87 year old mongolian man while skinny dipping.

Paul - Buddy, it's only been 30 seconds and I'm already sick of this esalend technique. Just come in and i'll bring Jen in for you

DP - The esalen technique

(Paul cuts him off)

Paul - Just go in the fucking room, man

( DP goes in the room and begins to get his esalen technique CD's and massage oils ready for Jen)

(Jen knocks on the door)

Jen - Hi, how are you today?

DP - Are you ready?

Jen - For what? And what the heck are all these oils and this music the keeps saying "esalen technique" over and over?

DP - Jen, it's all part of the esalen technique

Jen - Ohhhhhhhhhh.You're that guy who gives the great massages?

DP - yes, and it's all thanks to the esalen technique. Shall we begin teh esalen technique?

Jen - By all means. I can't wait to see how great this feels

( DP begins leaping around the room while rubbing esalen technique massage oils into his hands)

DP - Jen, I shall first start with the esalen tender touch.This lets your body and sould fall into a state of complete relaxation.Ths state of relaxation will let you live to be 137 years old.

Jen - It just feels like you're dragging your nails slowly upand down my back.

DP - Ah, so the esalen technique is working.

Jen - Not really. You're actually starting to scratch me.Can you please stop.

DP - I will now go into phase 2 of the esalen technique.

Jen - Ah dude, all you're doing is blowing heavily into my ear. It's actually quite unpleasent.

DP - Now I put on the esalen technique CD. You will now be so relaxed and turned on that you'll spread the word of the esalen technique to all your co workers and get them to sign up for my workshop

Jen - Wait a minute. This CD that you put on is that Hanson song "Where's the love". Something here is not right.....

( DP starts whispering esalen technique into Jen's ear)

Jen - STOP!!! I'm starting to peice things together. This whole esalen technique is noting but a ploy to get everyione to sign up for your workshop, so you can rake in the bucks by showing them how to drag their nails against somones back while blowing in their ear and playing a Hanson CD?

DP - You are obviously not sophistcated enough for the esalen technique.

( DP covers himself in esalen technique massage oil and suddenly disappears)

Jen - Man, that esalen technique is the biggest scam since the thighmaster

The End

 

[James Zaworski]

DP: No it isn't Jenn. I'll come clean. The Esalen Institute was founded in 1962 as an alternative educational center devoted to the exploration of what Aldous Huxley called the "human potential," the world of unrealized human capacities that lies beyond the imagination.

Jenn: Stop talking shit. What does it really mean ?

DP: Well it's a blend of East/West philosophies based on humanism.

Jenn: Does it involve bl/bs, bodyslides, hjs and russian ?

DP: No, no Jenn. You're missing the point. It's based on contemplative
creativity, ecopsychology, healing and intuitive development.

Jenn: I'm still not getting it.

DP: Here, close your eyes and give into me. Shut down all of your senses and just exist. Understand your inner self and focus on you, who you are and your inner spirit while I run my hand ever so gently up and down your inner thighs. Do not feel it; concentrate on yourself.

Jenn: Hey you're getting awfully close to my sphincter. I don't like that. How can I not feel it ? This esalen technique is doing nothing for me.

DP: You are a victim of yourself. Let go and surrender yourself to the esalen technique totally.

Jenn: Well rub my calf or something then.

DP: No, your energy is being released by your sphincter. I need to stop the energy flow or redirect it using esalen.

Jenn: I've had enough of this. You've got me all tense. Worse than when you started with your psychobabble and pseudoscience. Besides the whole Huxley family was whacked if you ask me. Please wipe this esalen oil off of me and let me go.

DP: You never gave it a chance. You're free to go, but you should do something about the energy leak and do it quickly.

Jenn: Yeah, I'll think about it.

 

[Angi]

Hey Nature Boy,

Nice addition to the fantasy matchup.

This esalen technique has the potential to be the next Sisterhood of The Travelling Pants.

 

[TheAwakening]

While I laugh my ass off, I have the strangest feeling this is a true story.

 

[La chick]

Where can i get one of them escalades?

 

[.fired77]

Best Thread...Ever!

 

[factxry]

Rusty, I'll give you marks for creativity.

Fred.............Hurry up and get the Spellcheck on the toolbar.

 

[Nay]

Looking forward to the sequel about liberated Christians, Dave's other fixation.

 

[brennanc]

Rusty, your posts never fail to bring a smile to my face...thanks xoxo

 

[Bender]

What am I, chopped liver ?

 

[Pompal 09.]

You bring something else to her face.

 

[Sahar]

Hi Sexy Violet aka adbst
I know that you have not been at HFH for long, but when I was there a couple of weeks ago for my first and only visit (so far) I saw you walk a younger gentleman to the door and you slapped him on the ass. Is this part of the esalen technique as well. I wonder if has anything to do with stimulation of the psiatic nerve?

 

[mySQL Newbie]

Thanks.

Did you watch the London/Ottawa game?

 

[InwaiderrBena]

LOL, I have never heard of the esalen technique before this thread, acutally!!! No, that was just a special request

 

[Pompal 09.]

Of course! How could I not!!! Go Knights Go!

And you know I'll be on the edge of my seat watching the final on sunday

 

[ddti]

LOL, sssh, that was supposed to be between me and Rusty!